[all_funkt_up]

West Ham will see off competition from Portsmouth in the £10m battle for Bolton striker Nicolas Anelka. (Mail)

Bloody hell. £6m on Dyer and now Anelka - Curbishley is really out doing himself in the cunt stakes here isnt he.

The most expensive bunch of twats outside the Playboy Mansion.

Everton will make a club-record £11m bid for Yakubu. (Mail)

Woop woop. That'll be a mint signing. Especially as I have backed him to finish top scorer this season in the Prem

Real Madrid are trying to hijack Chelsea's bid for Sevilla full-back Daniel Alves. (Express)

Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is insisting any deal for Alves is financed by Arjen Robben's move to Real Madrid. (Independent)

Chelsea have offered Alves protective security after the Brazilian was barracked by Sevilla fans. (Times)


Sunderland boss Roy Keane is ready to splash out £5m on Southampton striker Kenwyne Jones. (Various)

Everton will finally complete the signing of Benfica's Manuel Fernandes on Friday for a fee of £6m, which could rise to £8m. (Sun)

Middlesbrough misfit Fabio Rochemback is on his way to Benfica. (Mirror)

West Brom are preparing to make a shock £3m bid for Aston Villa striker Luke Moore. (Mirror)

Middlesbrough are poised to sign Egypt striker Emad Moteab for £2m, paving the way for Yakubu to join Everton. (Sun)

Wigan are looking at Preston's Matt Hill or Scunthorpe's Marcus Williams as replacement for Leighton Baines.