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Christmas jokes
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A Naughty Night on Christmas Eve
Twas the night before Christmas,and god it was neat.
The kids were both gone,and the wife was in heat.
The doors all bolted,and the phone off the hook.
It was time for some nookie,by hook or by crook.
Big momma in her teddy and me in the nude.
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry
I lost my boner and momma went dry.
Up to the window i sprang like an elf.
Tore back the blind while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built.
Shoved a broom up his ass, right up to the hilt.
When to my wondering eyes should appear.
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver,half out of the sledge.
A sock in his ear, a bra on his head.
Sure as i'm speaking, he was high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team,it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead,whos Asshole, whoa Stupid,whoa Putz.
Either slow down this rig or i'll cut off your nut's.
Look out for the lamp post,and dont hit that tree.
Quit shaking the sledge ,'cause i gotta go for a pee.
They cleared the lamp post the tree got a rub.
Just as Santa fell out, and threw up on my shrubs.
And next from the roof we heard such a splatter.
As each little reinder emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jockies,to cover my ass.
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore.
He looked like a bum and smelt like a whore.
"That was some brothel" he said with a smile.
"The reindeer are knackered,and i'll just stop awhile".
He staggered to the kitchen and poured himself a drink.
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh,my wife smiled with glee.
The old boy was hung almost down to his knee.
Back in the den,Santa reached for his sack.
But toy's were all gone, some odd things were packed.
The first thing he found was a false pair of tit's
Next was a handgun with a penis that spit's
A box full of condoms was Santa's next find.
And six pair of panties the edible kind.
A bra without nipples,a penis extension.
And several more things i'm embarrased to mention.
"This stuff ain't for kid's, Mrs Santa will s**t"
So let's leave 'em here,and then you can split.
He filled every stocking and then took his leave.
With a six pack of larger stuck up his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh,but his feet were like lead
Thus he fell on his ass and farted instead
IN time he got seated, took reigns of his hitch.
Shouted "take me home Rudolph,this night been a bitch"
HAPPY CHRISTMAS ALL
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