SMS Jokes.

[MickeyPaul]

[Winrew]

Redemption

[slick]

The entire Sunderland Football Team were allowed to board an aircraft this morning with hand luggage. Security staff said "They weren't capable of any form of attack!!!"

[slick]

I know i shouldent but.......

Wots Richard Hammond and Elton John got in common? they've both got skid marks on their helmets

[slick]

can u give me a hand?

Can u give me a hand at the wk-end? we're trying to make worlds biggest pancake. We've got plenty cooks, we just need a tosser!

[slick]

have been invited to a party...

Have been invited to a cannabis party on Fri night 9pm. Have to bring my own dope so i'll pick u up at 8.30

[slick]

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...Oi what's your disability mate?

I said 'tourettes now fuck off you cunt!'

[ONEDUNME]

Here's another one you won't get.


I went to the premature ejaculation clinic this morning. The receptionist says "Your appointment's not till tomorrow".

[k33nan]

"give it here"
NO ITS MINE
"let me have it"
ITS MY TURN
"you had it last"
FUCK OFF
"c'mon gimme it"
NO WAY

What is it????





















Siamese Twins having a WANK!!!!

[slick]

Ur in a car driving at a constant speed, 2 ur left is a fire engine, in front is a galloping pig u cant overtake, behind is a helicopter flyin at ground level all r travelling at the same speed as u. Wot do u do 2 get out ov this dangerous situation?.............................Get off the kids merry-go-round u drunken twat.

[k33nan]

And then there's the story of the tourist who walked into a Brighton
Curio/antique shop. After looking around for a while, he
Noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but
it
Was so striking that he decided to have it
Anyway. So he took it to the owner and said: "How much is this bronze
rat?"
The owner replied: "It is £12 for the rat, and
£100 for the story." Well the tourist gave the man his £12 and said: "I'll

Just take the rat - you can keep the story." As he
Walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled
out
Of the sewers and begun following him. This was a
Little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a
Couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to
Hundreds, and they were all squealing & screeching in a very menacing way.

He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach,
And as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their

MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster.
By now very concerned, he ran to the edge of the sea and threw the bronze
Rat far out into the water. Amazingly, the millions
Of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned. The man
Walked back to relate all this to the shop owner,
Who said:
"Ah, you've come back for the story then!"
"No," said the tourist - "I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim

Fundamentalist cleric, and anything French.

[slick]

Two Muslim women watching their children playing one day, One says "You have to make the most of them now a days....They blow up so quickly!!!"

[ONEDUNME]

Or the two women suicide bombers walking down the road and one says to the other "Does my bomb look big in this"

[slick]

An eskimo kid arrives home from school starving..he shouts to his mum:

"mum whats for tea"

mum says :

"Ive done you a big pan of Vera Lynn"

kid says:

"oh not whale meet again"

[slick]

Guy Richie has said; 'That's the last time I give Madonna my Credit Card and tell her to treat herself to a little black number.'