A bit tame for my liking bet here u go...
What do you have if there are 100 rabbits standing in a row and 99 take a step back?
A receding hare line.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
''It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?''
How do you make a cat be a dog?
Pour petrol on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'
Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying ''Bach, Bach, Bach...''
Q. What kind of bees make the best milk?
A. Boo-bees!
Why'd the chicken cross the road?
To show the blonde how!
Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q: What do you get when you cross a raven with a mad dog?
A: A ravin lunatic.
How many blondes does it take to milk a cow?
Five -- one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the cow up and down.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
Why did the turtle Cross the road?
To get to the ''Shell'' station!
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh!
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Hold its trunk until it goes blue and the shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
What's the difference between a woman and dog at your front door?
The dog will stop barking once you let it in!
Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
What does a fish use to get high?
Seaweed!
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn't matter, he's not going to come anyway.
How do you compliment a donkey?
''Hey, nice ass!''
Q: Why do blonde peoples dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars...
How do you get a hundred cows in a barn?
You hang up a
bingo sign!
A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?"
The duck says, "Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass."
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs!
I wish I was a glow worm.
A glow worm's never glum.
It's hard to be downhearted, When the sun shines out your bum!
Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedghog?
A: A six-foot toothbrush.
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bacon!
Why did the moron throw the butter out the window?
He wanted to see a butterfly.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and kangaroo together?
Giant holes all over Africa!
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Because he was stuck to the chicken's bottom.
SMS Jokes.
Gave me a laugh whilst I'm feeling sorry for myself with a cold .GIF "Thumb(1)")
