The 50 worst footballers of all time

[all_funkt_up]

I have lifted this from the Times. Some absolute belters in here, like William Prunier - remember him Quite a few Graeme Souness deals here, aye aye - backhanders Ahoy!

I think Souness deserves his own list of his 50 worst signings ever. He coul probably fill the top 100 actually. Some Souness Shockers amongst this half-century.

50 Claus Lundekvam (Southampton)
Saints boss Gordon Strachan paid this glowing tribute to the one-paced Scandinavian in 2003: “He was carried off at Leicester and someone asked me if he was unconscious. I didn’t have a clue. That’s what he’s always like.”
49 Massimo Taibi (Manchester United)
United’s worst keeper ever – in a competitive field featuring Mark Bosnich. The Italian takes the prize for that dive over a shot from Matt Le Tissier, an all-time You Tube favourite. Watch that ludicrous blunder here.
48 Stephane Guiv’arch (Newcastle)
Milburn, Macdonald, Shearer and ... Guiv’arch! The World Cup winner never came close to that pantheon. Come to that, he’s lagging in Tyneside’s Hall of Centre-Forward Fame (they could call it Striker Grove) behind Cunningham, Mirandinha and Ameobi.
47 Jody Morris (Chelsea, Leeds)
Grew up at Chelsea with Dennis Wise as his mentor, and turned into the snidey kid brother everyone hates. Had all of Wise’s sly tendencies and penchant for a scrape, but none of the skill. Perfect acquisition for Leeds in 2003, then.
46 Nigel Quashie (QPR, Forest, Southampton, WBA and more)
Relegated four times with four clubs – and only narrowly avoided No 5 with West Ham last year.
45 Roque Junior (Leeds)
The execrable Brazilian arrived on loan for a few months from AC Milan in 2003, and did as much as anybody to shove Leeds towards destruction.
44 Sergei Rebrov (Tottenham)
Looked good enough playing alongside Andriy Shevchenko for Dynamo Kiev. Sadly, Glenn Hoddle’s £11m signing never looked the same force with Steffen Iversen.
43 David May (Blackburn, Man United)
The guy picked up Premiership winner’s medals with two clubs. But so did Larry Lloyd.
42 Larry Lloyd (Liverpool, Nottingham Forest)
See David May (No 43)
41 Bosko Balaban (Aston Villa)
They said Deadly Doug was tight, but you can hardly blame him after Ellis fished £6m out of his humbug tin for John Gregory to spend, and the manager came back with the elusive Croatian. He never started a Premiership game and scored no goals.
40 Carlton Palmer (Southampton)
“He covers every blade of grass out there,” said Saints manager, Dave Jones. “But that’s only because his first touch is so crap.”
39 Claudio Marangoni (Sunderland)
The striker swapped the rolling pampas of Argentina for Wearside when he signed for a club-record £320,000 at Christmas 1979. One year and three goals later he went back home. Only Geordies were sorry to see him go.
38 Glenn Keeley (Everton)
Arrived on loan from Blackburn keen to show his mettle at the highest level. On debut in 1982, against Liverpool no less, he was sent off in the first-half, The Reds won 5-0 and he never played for Everton again.
37 Marco Materazzi (Everton)
Yes, he won the World Cup with Italy. But the lean centre-half couldn’t tackle a Sayers’ steak and kidney pie during his pointless spell at Goodison.
36 John Jensen (Arsenal)
Empires rose and fell in the time it took the bubble-permed Dane to score his first Arsenal goal. Searing pace, an eye for goal and a fierce shot were just three qualities he didn’t have.
35 Dean Austin (Tottenham)
The wafer-thin defender earned the wrath of the notoriously fickle Spurs support early doors, and never won them round. Even now, he featured strongly in a straw poll of Tottenhamites’ least favourite player ever to wear the white.
34 Ramon Vega (Tottenham)
The big Swiss was Dean Austin, with (cow) bells on.
33 Alberto Tarantini (Birmingham City)
Jim Smith went down the Spurs road and hired himself an Argentinian World Cup winner in the afterglow of 1978, but the Bald Eagle chose this dud left-back. Blues were relegated.
32 Gary Sprake (Leeds)
The Kop serenaded the hapless Welshman with “Careless Hands” when he threw another one into the back of his own net, hardly a unique moment for the accident-prone Inspector Clouseau of international goalkeeping.
31 Charlie Nicholas (Arsenal)
The much-hyped Champagne Charlie didn’t even amount to Pomagne Charlie at Highbury.
30 Darren Ferguson (Manchester United)
Tried to make a name for himself at Old Trafford in the early 90s, but it was already taken.
29 Winston Bogarde (Chelsea)
For all the good this expensive, non-playing flop ever did Chelsea, they might as well have signed foppish character actor, Dirk Bogarde. Or maybe they did and tried to cover it up.
28 Iain Dowie (West Ham)
Headlines that were never written: “It’s Iain Wow-ie!”, and maybe “Dow ya think I’m sexy.” Watch Dowie's "finest" moment with a classic own goal against Stockport County here.
27 Eric Djemba-Djemba (Man United, Aston Villa)
One Djemba would have been bad enough, but two of them was more than plenty.
26 Frank Sinclair (Leicester City)
Whatever the opposite of a purple patch is, Frank ‘Spencer’ Sinclair had one in August 1999. In two matches in August he scored two risible own goals, single-handedly costing his team three points. That month of mishaps alone earns him a place in the annals of infamy.
25 Steve Marlet (Fulham)
Mr Fayed didn’t rise to the top in business by not knowing the value of a pound. So mystery remains why he was persuaded to give Lyons eleven and a half mill for the misfit striker. Marlet’s ghost will haunt him to the end of his days.
24 Mark Dennis (Birmingham City)
There were rumours in the game that Dennis could actually play, and possessed a decent enough left foot. But the Blues’ anti-footballer was content to amass the game’s blackest rap sheet.
23 Torben Piechnik (Liverpool)
Graeme Souness faces the bad transfer tribunal again for the inexplicable purchase of the dithering Dane. English football was no picnic for Piechnik and he slunk back to Denmark in short order.
22 John Fashanu (Wimbledon)
Fash elbows his way into the list for a legion of crimes and misdemeanours inflicted on association football in the dubious cause of Wimbledon FC, topped by the assault which shattered Saint Gary Mabbutt’s eye socket.
21 Nikola Jovanovic (Manchester United)
Third-worst United centre-half of all time (see nos 5 and 6).
20 Jason Lee (Nottingham Forest)
“He’s got a pineapple on his head,” crooned fans all over the land in homage to the dreadlocked striker, who couldn’t hit a ruminant’s posterior with a stringed musical instrument. Watch a clip of Jason on Baddiel and Skinner's Fantasy Football League here.
19 Marco Boogers (West Ham)
He made his mark on English football, but only on Gary Neville’s midriff as a murderous tackle almost wiped out the United right-back. It was all downhill from there, as Mad Marco fled East London for a caravan park somewhere in the Low Countries.
18 Martin Jol (West Brom)
The Dutchman was away from school the day they taught the sophisticated tenets of Total Football, and the no-nonsense midfielder went on to spread mayhem across the midfields of England.
17 Nicky Summerbee (Manchester City)
The mid-90s City ‘winger’ earns his place on account of his singular running style. Arse stuck out in the fashion of a cartoon Mick Jagger, in Manchester derbies he made the ungainly Phil Neville look like Nijinsky.
16 Chris Kamara (Leeds)
For more than two decades Kammy has sported the perma-frizzed coiff of a 60s soul legend, but it failed to distract from a playing style long on effort, short on elegance.
15 Ade Akinbiyi (Leicester City)
Big Ade’s combined career transfer value would dwarf the national debt of an especially feckless banana republic, but he couldn’t buy a goal at Filbert Street after signing in 2000.
14 Micky Droy (Chelsea)
Nouveau Chelsea fans should know that their swanky club’s DNA contains the traces of lumbering 1970s dinosaurs such as Big Micky.
13 Steve Daley (Manchester City)
The poor bloke suffered from one of Man City’s periodic bouts of madness when they insisted on paying Wolves a record £1.45m for him in 1979, back in the days when £1.45m was £1.45m. He never looked close to matching the valuation.
12 Terry Hurlock (Millwall)
Graced Cold Blow Lane during The Lions’ unlikely late 80s spell in the top flight, and unleashed a short-lived reign of midfield terror. Hurlock, a one-man disciplinary crime wave, remains, unsurprisingly, a cult hero in Millwall-supporting enclaves of south London.
11 Billy Woof (Middlesbrough)
Even three decades down the road Boro fans are still convinced Billy only ever got a game because he was the son-in-law of John Neal, the manager.
10 Vinnie Jones (Wimbledon and more)
Told Kenny Dalglish he intended to bite off his ear and spit in the whole. And they said there were no characters left in the game.
9 Ian Ormondroyd (Aston Villa)
Nature’s prototype for Peter Crouch lived at the same lofty altitudes as his Villa Park successor, but perhaps lacked his touch and speed – so why did he play on the wing?
8 Andrea Silenzi (Nottingham Forest)
The Italian who looked much like a horse turned out to be a load of pony at the City Ground after his multi-billion lira move from Torino in 1995, and pips Justin Fashanu as Forest’s greatest transfer rick ever.
7 Li Wei-Feng (Everton)
Arrived as part of a buy-one-get-one-free deal that brought the not-too-bad Li Tie to Goodison in 2002. The Toffees should have left him on the shelf...
6 William Prunier (Man United)
The baldy Bordeaux triallist starred in a calamitous 4-1 defeat at Spurs on New Year’s Day 1996, and he was bundled back onto a plane to France the next day.
5 Arnold Sidebottom (Man United)
Ryan’s dad also bowled quickly for England, but the centre-half injected no discernible pace to the worst United team since records began.
4 Istvan Kozma (Liverpool)
Yet another Souness master signing – the abject Magyar cost £300,000 from Dunfermline in 1992 and played just three games for the Reds before Souey realised he’d made one more transfer goulash.
3 Gus Caesar (Arsenal)
“... painfully, obviously, out of his depth ... he looked like a rabbit frozen to the spot ... and then he starts to thrash about, horribly and pitifully...” not our words – those of ultra-loyal Arsenalist, Nick Hornby.
2 Tomas Brolin (Leeds, Crystal Palace)
Hard to imagine that Leeds United, normally a model of fiscal probity, paid £4.5m for the Swedish meatball in 1995. A good footballer treats his body like a temple. Brolin’s was a bouncy castle.
1 Ali Dia (Southampton)
Was he George Weah’s cousin? Was he hell! Neither had the impostor won 12 caps for Senegal, nor had he played for Paris St Germain. But it took Saints boss Graeme Souness a whole 52 minutes to suss he’d been had in 1996.

[crowie]

Marcelino, Spanish centre half from Mallorca to Newcastle, cost £6m, should have been in there. Absolute horse and missed a season and a half with a dodgy pinky or something. An utter poof.

Likewise Carl Cort, the poor mans Shola Ameobi. £7m!!

Christ Newcastle could have a team on their own.

[all_funkt_up]

There's actually a follow up to this crowie, with the fans nominations of the worst 20 of all time.

No Bramble, Dyer, Luque or Boumsong in there. Oh and what about Per Kroldrup of Everton - what a hum dinger he turned out to be.

[all_funkt_up]

Some more shit players:

20. Jimmy Carter (Arsenal, Liverpool): “Surely there's been a huge oversight here.... Jimmy Carter, surely the worst LFC player ever.” (Arnie, Northampton)

19. Paddy Roche (Manchester United). “If Massimo Taibi is on the list for that one game for Man Utd then surely Paddy Roche has to be on the list for every game he played!” (Steve F, Birstall, W. Yorks)

18. Alan Reeves (Wimbledon): “… the only top-flight defender ever to score two own goals (one a volley from 30 yards) and concede a penalty in the same game.” (James, London)

17. Robert Rosario (Norwich City, Nottingham Forest). “I remember a newspaper article describing Robert Rosario as being as effective as a plank of wood. He was never that good when I saw him.” (Percy, London).,

16. Igor Stepanovs (Arsenal): “If Igor Stepanovs does not make it into the top 3, I hope the 47 previous players all sue The Times for the slander of even daring to suggest that they were worse than him.”

15. Agustin Delgado (Southampton). “Another turkey for Saints. 11 appearances in 3 seasons and no goals! About as useful as a chocolate teapot!” (Tom Chapman, Southampton, UK).

14. Florin Raducioiu (West Ham). “Surely one of Mr. Redknapp’s worst signings.” (Adam, Northants.)

13. Ralph Milne (Manchester United). “Even Stretford Enders have been known to groan when his name was announced” (Grub, Surbiton, Surrey)

12. Corrado Grabbi (Blackburn Rovers). “Can't believe you've let Souness get away with the one and only 'Ciccio' Grabbi. Signed for £6m from some Italian Serie B club, picked up probably £40K per week over 2 or 3 seasons, played no more than 15 games. Woeful not the word !!” (Dave G, Warrington)

11. Juan Sebastain Veron (Manchester United, Chelsea). “How has nobody mentioned Juan Sebastian Veron!?! Cost us a fortune and was complete crap! Then went to Chelsea for a sizeable sum, and was still crap!” (Monty the Man Utd fan, Hemel Hempstead).,

10. Pascal Cygan (Arsenal): “What a relief it's been for us Gooners to see the back of him. A large fridge would have better movement than that joke.” (Danny O'B, Buncrana, Donegal).

9. Fumaca (Newcastle United): “If Fumaca, the only Brazilian ever to be unable to take a first touch, does not get in the top 25, then this list is a sham.” (Steven Ord, Newcastle). “The only Brazilian capable of falling over a ball when trying to trap it.” (Steve K, Newcastle)

8. Djimi Traore (Liverpool, Charlton Athletic, Portsmouth): “Watching him is like waiting for an accident to happen - you want to look away but can’t.” (Steve, London).

7. Paul Okon (Middlesbrough, Watford (loan), Leeds United). “Would have trouble making a Sunday pub side.” (Howard Broadwell, Nottingham, England).

6. Bruno Cheyrou (Liverpool). “Bruno (Zidane) Cheyrou, bought for looking a little bit similar!” (Simon, Macclesfield)

5. Jon Dahl Tommasson (Newcastle United). “His period in Newcastle was AWFUL.... he's is probably capable of filling that whole list alone” (Peter Ley, Aarhus, Danmark).

4. Silvio Maric (Newcastle United): “a waste of a shirt peg. Actually Newcastle could probably put out a first eleven players who would all make this list.” (Bruce, Dublin, Ireland)

3. Marcelino (Newcastle United): “Missed half a season with a broken finger.” (demondegs, Coventry); “he had a better influence on the match when he was in the sick room” (Pabs, Newcastle upon Tyne)

And in joint first place, by overwhelming popular demand:

1=. Titus Bramble and Jean-Alain Boumsong (Newcastle United).

“Oh save my soul. You have got to give praise to Titus Bramble and Jean Alain Boumsong, the best defensive pairing ever in the history of football.” (Kwame Asante, London).

“Titus the Terrible is a shocking omission. I've never seen one player strike fear into his own set of fans so much as Bramble, and then there's his sidekick, Boumsong the boy blunder.” (Danny O'B, Buncrana, Donegal)

“Boumsong …couldn't read the play, couldn't tackle without hacking a man down, couldn't mark, no positional sense....not bad for a defender.” (YMW, London)

“Bramble and Boumsong formed the worst defensive partnership I have ever seen. The funny thing is: why did every Newcastle manager over the last 7 years insist on playing Bramble? They've all been sacked and rightly so.” Alex, Southampton).

[Ori]

Originally Posted by all_funkt_up

47 Jody Morris (Chelsea, Leeds)
Grew up at Chelsea with Dennis Wise as his mentor, and turned into the snidey kid brother everyone hates. Had all of Wise’s sly tendencies and penchant for a scrape, but none of the skill. Perfect acquisition for Leeds in 2003, then.

Heh, i had a good feeling with selling him as fast as possible in fm2007

[andeeeee]

cant believe my mate Torben is in at 23 , i thought he was better than that

[crowie]

Originally Posted by all_funkt_up

There's actually a follow up to this crowie, with the fans nominations of the worst 20 of all time.

No Bramble, Dyer, Luque or Boumsong in there. Oh and what about Per Kroldrup of Everton - what a hum dinger he turned out to be.

Would also make a nomination of Nunez who turned up at Liverpool as part of the Owen deal. I remember one (Pool) mouth piece on the Befair forum insisting he was the new Figo and was worth £10m, valuing the Owen deal at about £20m or something. Aye right!!

Shame its only English football, there have been some belters in Scotland too.

Rafael Scheidt - sooooo well named. A worse Brazilian centre half than Roque Cruz. Dalglish and Barnes (the "dream team"!) signed him for £5m on the back of a set of video clips.

Tore Andre Flo - £12m............ Wee Dick Advocaat was feeling the pressure at Rangers as Celtic had paid £12m in total for Sutton and Hartson, who were scoring a shed load. So he paid £12m for TAF, a player who very rarely completed a 90 mins of football and despite being 6ft 4 had the physical qualities of an 8 year old girl guide.

The Rangers "dream team" of

Capucho - signed cos he played for Porto who had pumped us in the UEFA Cup final
Emerson - spangly perm haired Brazilian who did ok at Boro for a season and ended up at Rangers after they beat Celtic in a bidding war and paid him £20k a week.........
Ostenstad - tried the dribbling round the cones with the ball in training but the cones were faster

I am sure there were a couple more in that team as well that I will come back to later.

Juninho was a waste of money at Celtic and going back to the early 90's, we signed some belters. Rangers were adding great winners like Butcher, Woods, Goram, Gough, McCall, Brown, Hateley, Wilkins - we were adding 4th rate players like Carl Muggleton, Wayne Biggins, Martin Hayes (paid £750k for him, apparently the Arse were about to accept £75k from Norwich for him!), Stuart Slater (£1.25m, from West Ham, signed by Liam Brady when he was Celtic manager. Who also happened to be his agent ) and the wonderous Ian Andrews. There is no way back for you when you concede 5 goals in your debut for Celtic. At Ibrox. Utter shit.

I do have a lot more. Hans Eskillson was a belter for the Jambos, Swedish, looked like the lead singer of Europe...and was a worse footballer than him.

[Mighty Magyar]

14 Micky Droy (Chelsea)
Nouveau Chelsea fans should know that their swanky club’s DNA contains the traces of lumbering 1970s dinosaurs such as Big Micky


NO WAY!! he was a God when i was a kid !!

[ONEDUNME]

When Gary Breen's lawyers see that list, they'll be filing papers.

[Bigkegman]

Originally Posted by crowie

wonderous Ian Andrews. There is no way back for you when you concede 5 goals in your debut for Celtic. At Ibrox. Utter shit.

Leave him alone - he was fantastic

Ostenstad - tried the dribbling round the cones with the ball in training but the cones were faster

I thought he would eventually turn it around - I think I even backed him to score first against some diddy team

[Tricky]

Some of the players in the top 10 are so bad I have never heard of them -
Gus Caesar, Kozma? Vinny Jones at 10, and Jason Lee at 20 a bit harsh! Forest fans worshipped Jason "pineapple head" Lee, while Vinny Jones & the rest of the wimbledon's crazy gang will always be remembered too!

AFU - DO you not like newcastle then? from your second list.

[all_funkt_up]

Tricky - they amuse me greatly.

I live in Newcastle at the moment tricky. I dont dislike Geordies, I just think they're all gullible and are deluded as far as their football team is concerned. Getting big sam on board is the first correct decision that club's made in 10 years.